So… now for the British Oscars… the BAFTAs. The highlight of which is always Stephen Fry and rarely the wardrobes of attendees, if previous outfits are anything to go by.
I’m not sure what we can expect this year, although I would bet all the money I have in the world that Kate Winslet will be dressed identically to the previous 27 awards ceremonies she’s attended…
Lets see if I’m proven right in the VicStewReview – BAFTAS 2016.
So kicking off we have Ms Mara (the more fashion forward of the sisters) who once again is owning the pale and interesting look. Although she ALWAYS does this. So I’m thinking it’s pale, but no so interesting. I have no major issues with the dress apart from the stupid hangy things of her shoulders which does look like she’s been mauled on the way here. May be by some fashion critics who are just booooorrrrreeed of this edgy so not edgy look. 6/10.
Now this one needs to be looked at up close. It’s actually leather with crystals attached to it. And I love love love love LOVE this dress. It’s edgy and super cool whilst also being young, fresh and very British in it’s feel. This should be the perfect dress for her. But once again I feel like the dress wears her and not the other way around. Also if this girl doesn’t start wearing more make up soon I’m going to have to bitch slap her. Which may well put some much needed colour in her cheeks. I know she’s doing this whole I’m Skandi and don’t have to try too hard coz I’m beautiful… well news flash. You’re wrong. You’re at the BAFTAs. You. Do. Need. To. Try. And I really dislike your hair colour with this gown. Dress is 9/10 worthy but I’m only giving you an 8/10 as your styling lets it down. Like who wears a brown lipstick I ask you? (Apart from Kylie Jenner, which actually says everything you need to about this shade of lip choice).
OK. So YES the dress is pretty much the same as EVERY dress Winslet has EVER worn from the waist down. But I like the neckline – it’s freshened her go-to look up a lot and I love the softer hair and the lip! Thank the gods for a lip! Excellent work here. I do in fact Eat. My. Words. 8/10.
God damn little lady!! I LOVE your hair and make up and I love this outfit on you! The necklace with the dress is very busy – but because you’re young and you haven’t accessorised anywhere else, I find this look incredibly fresh. You look gorgeous. 8/10.
….And nothing bad to see here either! Very classy, I like that it’s a nude underlay but not too transparent as I’m very bored with that. I LOVE the sleeve too. As you are all more than aware of by now, I do need a lip though especially with a beige on beige on beige dress, skin tone and make up. I’m really really fucking hating this, I don’t wear make up look that these starlets are rocking. Don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to trowel it on. But at the same time it really ages you and lets you down in photos. Tut. 7/10.
O.M.G. Dree Hemingway. YES YES YES YES YES!!!. Totally nailed. Totally love. The dress is highly directional, very hard to pull off and really difficult to not look like a bag lady in fluro net curtains. This will have the fashion world divided, but I love love love. Love the colour, love the sleeve and you manage that incredibly difficult turtle neck on the red carpet admirably. I LOVE the lip, I love your hair, I love the simple gold accessories. You absolutely NAILED this and is so right for a London award do in the middle of winter. 9/10. And I’m not sure why I’m not giving you higher.
Julianne obviously got my memo from the SAGs (we all remember that fluey phlegm monstrosity) and has sort of brought it back this evening. Can’t go wrong with monochrome, can go wrong with this horrible neckline. I simply don’t know why you’d choose a neckline that makes your lady boobs hang around your navel. This really isn’t a good choice (look at other photos for the cape she wore over this dress – she should have kept it on as it looked fab). I don’t like your overly sever hair but I DO like your lip. This isn’t exactly bad but isn’t great either 5/10.
When working on my mood board for my next BAFTAs appearance I’m going to ensure that there are lots of gothic Xmas trees for inspiration. I mean they’re REALLY going to ensure that I get my outfit just spot on. I mean totally nailed. I’m also going to ensure in addition to looking like a Tim Burton Festival plant that I also ensure it’s a good 4 inches too short, just so it shoes off my ‘beautiful’ 8 years out of date shoes. A comb over will also really add something to this look. I’ll look amazing. And be awarded 0.5/10 for putting on some lippy.
Just as I thought I wasn’t going to be able to write a single scathing thing about anyone’s outfits, I’m saved by one of my most disliked people. Nothing better in the world than someone you think is pointless, turning up looking like this. I love it when bad dresses happen to bad people. It’s totes dress Karma. I love the colour, I love your lip and I love that you’ve washed your hair. The split in your fringe makes me VIOLENT and looks utterly stupid. But the ruffles on your dress are a disgrace. Neither does it fit you. It’s like the straps need to be pulled up so the dress isn’t dragging on the ground and your saggy breasticles don’t fall out. I’m giving you a 4/10. And you should be grateful. Because I don’t think you’ll be given anything else by anyone this evening looking like that.
I like you Rebel. Especially as you really dislike Anny Kendrick who is one of those people to me just like the previous Dakota. I’m sure it’s tough to wear red carpet clothes as designers just don’t make nice dresses for woman who pack a bit more curve. However, I really really really think you could have found something better than your Mum’s office jacket over a lycra skirt. Oh and someone cut out the front bit too. I simply couldn’t tell you what for. Also your hair is the style and texture of straw. I feel bad for you. From the look on your face, so do you. 3/10.
Eat something. Then I may consider reviewing your god awful Gone With the Wind fancy dress scalloped number. 1/10.
Literally the only dress that wasn’t nude, black or red, I salute you for wearing something bold. I quite like the colour and it makes your eyes pop. I like the silhouette too as avid readers of VSRs… you KNOW I love a sleeve. However, the material is cheap, as are the shoulder pads. And I’m not sure a polo-neck with a slit down the front was ever a prime example of sartorial elegance… unless I’ve missed something? 3/10 for good use of colour.
I don’t know who you are. But you look young, hence why you’re trying to have fun with your Big Top meets Saturday night fever effort. I might have been able to look past all of this until I saw your shoes. They are dick. Watch out for the naked flame. 2/10.
Again… I don’t know who you are (why don’t I know who you are?!?!?!) but judging on this performance I won’t be seeing you again. Actually correct that, you carry on wearing whispy bits of chewed up tissue then may be we’ll be seeing a lot of you in my VicStewReviews. And NOT in a good way. This dress is disgusting… it looks like someone has tried to strangle you to put you out of our misery. 1/10.
Who are you?!?!?! Who are these people???!?! Did they just send some random invites out to people?!?!? Either way, unlike the previous 2 unknowns, you’ve nailed the red carpet dressing. It IS a very low V… and I’m not a huge fan of the neckline, but due to your lack of boobage and excellent hair and make-up you look classy and elegant Good work. 7/10.
I’m fucking giving up now. They’ve obviously literally invited ANYONE to the BAFTAs. I’ll say it one more time. WHO THE FUCKING HELL ARE YOU???? Actually scratch that, who the fuck cares. I only have 3 words for you… and none of them are good. NECKLINE. PANTS. SHOES. 1/10 for hair and make up effort.
Another excellent example of how to dress for your shape and height. You look regal, elegant, fashionable and comfortable. Something I’d imagine most people at this event couldn’t say. The aubergine is lovely against your skin and I like the cream panelling and raw seams. Excellent work. You may sit on the throne. 7.5/10.
Well… that’s about it for the BAFTAs… In general there were some good outfits, fair few great outfits or really terrible ones. Which is good work on their part but makes my job a little blah.
The colour palette bothered me… all very samey. I’m hoping the LA sunshine will bring us more spectacles… and something for us to really get our teeth stuck in to.
There were a few more outfits I could have showcased, but quite frankly I had NO IDEA who these people were and their outfits bored me.
Bye for now!
VicStewReview BAFTAS 2016