USA’S Glamour Magazine Women of the Year Awards 2016

Welcome to what is by far the lowest rent of all Red Carpet events featured in a VSR to date.  But there have been slim pickings in the latter third of 2016 and I’m aware my VSR posts have been somewhat eratic of late.  So I thought this was a great opportunity to get back in to the swing of things and give you guys something to read about other than the circus that is the new President Elect of the aforementioned USA.  Afterall, we could do with something more vapid, superficial and ridiculous to discuss than the new…  Oh.

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GWEN STEFANI USA GLAMOUR MAGAZINE AWARDS 2016

Gwen won Woman of the Year at this year’s gala.  I’m confused as to why.  She was booted off The Voice to be replaced by Miley Cyrus, had to cancel gigs due to poor ticket sales and hasn’t had a no.1 hit in about 7 years.  So it appears that her greatest achievement this year instead was to get divorced. But instead of bravely solidiering through this and bringing up her children as a single woman quietly without a fuss (like a significant proportion of the US population), she is being instead being rewarded for jumping straight in to a relationship with a super millionaire Country Music star ‘who brought her back to life with his kiss’.  If this is the kind of behaviour that gets awarded in the States it’s becoming clearer how they got their new President.

Anyway, on to the dress.  It’s terrible.  I don’t exactly mind the colour or the balayage effect, but the material is extremely cheap looking and the lower half swamps her athletic frame.  The top half with the cut-out is a tacky, gauche, poor joke and looks stupid.

Much like the new US pres….. ok. I’ll stop now. 4/10.

 

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AMBER HEARD USA GLAMOUR MAGAZINE AWARDS 2016

One of the first sightings of Miss Heard since her highly acrimonious split from Johnny Depp.  And evidently her star has somewhat waned along with her access to super stylists and the first choice of fabulous frocks.  She’s most definitely been given the cold shoulder here in more ways than one.

The neckline is incongruous with the long sleeves and keyhole cutout, whilst the added frills do nothing to improve the overall styling.  It’s a shame, as the lace and champagne shade look quite nice on her colouring and naturally I love the colour pop lip.

The bottom of the sleeves really bother me. She looks like she’s been attacked with the shears.  Or Edward Scissorhands…  Oh.        6/10.

 

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ZENDAYA USA GLAMOUR MAGAZINE AWARDS 2016

At least the stylists of Hollywood are trying to minimise wastage.  Evidently the remainder of the frills from Amber’s previous dress have been sown together as arm-warmers for Zendaya’s outfit. To great effect.  Afterall, who doesn’t want arms that look like they’ve been run up and down a cheese grater for 3 days??

I simply do not understand this entire dress.  Or the shocking hair.

Good ring candy though.  2/10.

 

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JENNA DEWAN TATUM USA GLAMOUR MAGAZINE AWARDS 2016

Despite this photo looking like Mrs D-T has lost both her legs, there are elements of this look I really love.  It’s great to see a refreshing jewel colour on the carpet and it’s indisputable that her body looks insane.  I also like the interesting judo inspired belt and what appears to be a criss-cross back.

Naturally I do not like the polo neck effect as it’s given her wibbly-wobbly bobble head (technical term).  Fortunately her make up helps anchor the look and allows me to literally see past the unnecessarily bluntness of bob.  7.5/10.

 

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FRIEDA PINTO USA GLAMOUR MAGAZINE AWARDS 2016

Frieda is a striking woman but this is not doing her justice.  The dress is dull and it gives her an unflatteringly rectangular silhouette.

The transparent tulle at the top of the dress shouldn’t be there and they should have stuck some tailoring in the bloody front of it, so it could be genuinely strapless.  If you want a dress to look strapless,  stick some non-whale boning in it and just make it…uh… strapless. Why fake it?  This is POINTLESS. And making me quite grumpy.  3/10.

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JENNA LYONS USA GLAMOUR MAGAZINE AWARDS 2016

If there was ever a reason to never by clothes from J-Crew, this is it.  She is creative director at J-Crew.  Enough said.

Cracking pair of shoes though. 1/10 for epic accessorising.

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LENA DUNHAM USA GLAMOUR MAGAZINE AWARDS 2016

Lena why so sad?  You look pretty good here! Thank god you’ve grown your hair out post Girls and you’ve evidently lost some weight, so big congrats for that, if that’s what you were aiming for.  So despite your dress’s best attempt to make you look heavy, this isn’t all bad.  The cut of the dress is not hugely flattering but the colour looks great on your skin. 5/10

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AMY SHUMER USA GLAMOUR MAGAZINE AWARDS 2016

Lovely colour dress. Lovely.  But not when paired with  a string (is that the correct collective noun?!) of matching elastic bands inexplicably wrapped around your feet.  The dress needs more superior tailoring and the wizard sleeves are never flattering. Nice hair and make up though and you’re one of the few people who smile on th red carpet, so that’s worth applauding.  5/10.

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ELIZABETH BANKS USA GLAMOUR MAGAZINE AWARDS 2016

Only blondes should ever wear gun metal grey.  So fortunately that works for you Lizzy.  However the length of the dress with those terrible shoes are doing nothing for your figure.   And whether that’s a choker or an interesting neckline it doesn’t matter.  It’s nasty and utterly unnecessary.  Stronger make up and a good lip could have made this marginally, better but all in all drab rather than fab.  4/10.

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ROSE BYRNE USA GLAMOUR MAGAZINE AWARDS 2016

So Rose is starting a new trend.  Highlighting one’s first name through the art of fashion.  Which could work.  After all, Rose looks nice enough here, even if does look a little like her lady garden got a tad over grown and out of control.  On closer inspection the dress is actually the colour of mulch so perhaps she needs dead-heading and putting on the compost instead?  I can’t quite decide is she’s in bloom or blooming awful.  6/10. For trying something a bit interesting although we should be grateful your name isn’t Candida.

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CARA DELEVINGNE USA GLAMOUR MAGAZINE AWARDS 2016

Wow wow wow.  By far and away the best dressed for me.  Cara looks mighty. The dress is a beautiful spiders web of intricacy that fits her like a glove.  But that’s not even the best bit.  The hair and make up is absolutely en pointe and I love the simple gold collar.  Absolutely mesmerising, undeniably intriguing and utterly gorgeous. I can’t fault it I’m afraid. 9.5/10.

And don’t ask me why the 0.5 is missing.  I have no idea, other than this incredible look seems utterly wasted on something as irrelevant as the US Glamour Magazine Awards.

Thank God we only have another 2 and a bit months until the Golden Globes 2017.

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2 thoughts on “USA’S Glamour Magazine Women of the Year Awards 2016

  1. I laughed out loud at Amber Heard’s dress. Terrible!

    Cara looks legendary. The hair is too ‘done’ for me, but I know it’s the thing these days. The dress rocks.

    Like

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