Apologies avid VSR readers for the tardiness of recent fashion feedback.  Unfortunately other internet activity (predominantly Linkedin and the odd bit of Insta stalking) has had to take priority in the last month.

However, it is awards season so I will be making a concerted effort to continue to cover all the main events in early 2017.

So kicking off the New Year we have the Globes… lets see exactly how ‘golden’ they actually were …

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And we’re off!.. to a rather understated and bland start.  Amy, of course, doesn’t look bad here, it’s just very blah.  The black sequin and sparkly styling isn’t wrong, it’s just not particularly right on either.  We’ve seen it all before, but done better unfortunately by Theron and Hudson.  The straight shelf neckline, edges some direction to the dress, but a rather uncomfortable and drab one at that.  Sorry Amy.  But it’s a stable 6/10.

If Amy’s shelf dress did little for her lady bumps, then Anna’s is downright destroying hers.  Why has she had to bandage up her left boob?  Does it need extra support or minimising?  Is her left boob a G cup in disguise? Either way, I don’t like this dress, the colour is as full of joy as Eeyore on a winters morning and is… pallid.  That’s all I can say.  Pallid.  Not a word anyone wants associated with their red carpet look I’d imagine.  But you’ve ONLY got yourself to blame Kendrick. 5/10

I’m not a huge mermaid or fishtail fan at the best of times.  However, normally Ms Lively can make anything look incredible.  However, not today.  Blake is apparently a real homestyle kind of gal, loving to bake and decorate and in the past has given The Paltrow a run for her money in lifestyle blogging smuggery.  However, it appears when taking down the Xmas tree decorations this year she forgot to notice that she’s been viciously attacked by tinsel. I mean, the black velvet plunge dress is nice enough and I love the double emerald cuff,  but I just don’t get why they’ve stuck some epaulettes on her hips and her hair is disappointing from the front.  6/10.

For a minute I thought this was A Lists jumping on the Mannequin challenge phenom.  But no, it’s just Brie doing her best Britney impression – gormless and dead behind the eyes.  I normally despise Ms Larson’s styling efforts as they really miss the mark (much like Britters recent Carpool Karaoke) however, she’s done better here.  Granted she’s working from a low base and the dress isn’t setting the fashion world on fire (literally, unfortunately) but her hair and make up are working well and her waist looks as minuscule as her ability to pick a great dress.  6/10

I’m as happy as a daisy on Busy’s boobs.  I love the silhouette of this dress, the sleeves are fab and set off the train well.  The flowers ensure the dress is more Heidi than it is Morticia and is fresh, pretty and appropriate for the GGs.  I think it could be tailored a little better around the arms and rib cage, but I really do love this.  Styling is lacking a little, the undone hair works, but a pop of orange on the lip would have nailed this look even further.   As would a less matchy-matchy clutch. 7/10

This is the first dress this evening that’s a little more interesting.  Granted she looks like she’s wearing a ‘winning’ combination of her granny’s nightdress AND some gothic net curtains, but despite this, she pulls the look off.  I don’t love it, but I do appreciate her effort to do something different.  The hair is a little severe but does at least give this look a fashion forward edge, any other hair do and she would have looked like a slutty witch. Stronger eyebrow required. 6.5/10

I always get the impression that Chrissy forgets that she’s not the famous one in her relationship.  The reason she’s there is because her hubby is a previous GG winner and not because of any particular talent she has (other than whatever she busts out in the bedroom that got her the famous husband in the first place).  As a result of this lack of memory she always dresses for attention and as if she’s a nominee.  If this is the case, then congrats Chrissy.  I nominate you for Best Dress That Could Also Be Used For Multiple Household Products (lampshade, doily, toilet roll cover, tablecloth, cone of shame).  Good lip though and at least it’s more interesting than anything we’ve seen so far.  6.5/10.

It’s only fair to share that I’ve seen Claire on TV wearing this dress and it did her MUCH more credit in ‘real life’ than it does it the photos.  However, this was mainly down to icy blonde hair and good make up.  The dress is still way to big on her and the puffy sleeves made this reminiscent of Princess Di’s wedding gown.  The Queen would not doubt disapprove (and she’d be right to) and Claire should know better than this as she picked up a globe for playing HRH Lizzie on the telly. 5.5/10

I think it’s fair to say that so far I’ve been pretty disappointed with what has been served up on the red carpet so far.  Nothing is exactly terrible, but it’s also a bit yawn making. In turn making this VSR boring to write and no doubt lack lustre for you all to read.  Please accept my apologies.  Must. Try. Harder.  The celebs, not me. Obvs.

Hello Drew! It’s been a while and it’s nice to have you back.  Back and looking very well indeed.  Great hair and make up here.  The dress isn’t giving you much shape, I’m not a huge fan of silver and the pterodactyl arms are plain weird, I also despise a cold shoulder, literally, metaphorically and fashionably.  Despite all of this,  I still think you look great so I’m prepared to move past the dried spaghetti that’s randomly attached itself to the bottom of your dress. 7/10.

And now to the darling of this year’s Golden Globes… So Emma, there’s nothing wrong with anything here and you are very much a shining star at the moment.  I also love the way when asked by ENews! what you were wearing, you quite correctly stated a pink dress with stars, rather than the usual sycophantic drivel we get about this or that designer.  However, I do like it when Emma’s more directional with her look.  I get why she’s gone whimsical based on her latest award-winning movie, but she looks her best with strong clean lines and a bright pop of colour on the lip to go with her striking hair.  Nothing wrong here, but nothing making me or La-La either.  7/10.

We know you’re gay, or bi or not putting a label on your sexuality.  But I’m over the androgynous look you keep wearing which feels like you’re making a statement every time you do it.  It’s boring and honestly I really don’t think anyone cares.  The suit is beautifully tailored and fits you perfectly, if you ignore the fact it’s 3 inches too long in the leg, but it’s not longer fresh.  In fact it makes you look old and a bit past it.  Sorry. 4/10.

Dear Lord.  What the HELL are you wearing Felicity?  There is NOTHING good about this dress.  The black imitation ruffle on the neckline is really bad but don’t get me STARTED on the bow on your tummy button.  This dress is utterly bonkers.  I’m sorry Fel, but your stylist has gone proper rogue on this one. I mean literally on another planet.  Hopefully that one that blew up. 0/10

No one over a certain age should ever attend a red carpet event dressed as a bride or fairy.  Or in Gillian’s case a fairy godmother. 3/10.

No one over a certain age should ever attend a red carpet event dressed as a bride or fairy.  Or in Sarah’s case the Corpse Bride. 2/10.

 

 

So…from fairy godmother to wicked stepmother.  That’s unfair actually.  Goldie looks great here.  Matt sequins and an off-the-shoulder look with long sleeves is age appropriate but still super sexy.  Bed hair, smokey eyes and diamonds are all oldies but certainly still Goldies too. 6.5/10.

People of incredibly slim frames struggle to pull off a princess gown, instead just looking as if they’ve played dress up in their mothers wardrobe.  Ms Rancic is no exception here.  I also despise a polo neck in a red carpet dress and this is all a little saccharine sweet for me, it’s giving me a toothache. 2/10.

As always, Gwen looks statuesque and regal.  Her dress of course fits her perfectly and she looks sartorially elegant.  I like the blush on her skin tone but she needed some bold accessories and make up choices to help her avoid looking like a very pretty anaemic turd. 5.5/10.

No one should EVER wear a dress made out of a LILAC exfoliating net sponge.  And it looks like someone is hiding in the waist of her dress holding up her boobs.  TERRIBLE dress.  But it’s the colour that really makes my shit itch. HORRIFIC. 0/10

I applaud Miss Biel for doing something a little different here and I really quite like the skirt despite the face the hips have been blown out to create and unnecessary love-handled silhouette.  The swimming costume as a top however, with the channel tunnel running between her breasticles is just down right ugly.  However, not as ugly as the platform on her shoe. 4/10 for trying something unusual even if it does miss the mark in its finishing.

I’m on the rose gilded fence on this one.  I love the colour on Jess, thank you for giving us something bright and the cut is flattering and your boobs look great even if I don’t need to see quite so much of them.  However, it also seems quite aging and this isn’t helped at all with the Hitler style hair do which I hate.  Soft waves here would have made this more fresh and youthful. 6/10.

 

 

If you manage to ignore the colour of this lace, the fact that Kerry’s belt has come undone, she’s worn the wrong pants, that her boobs have been squashed flat and the sleeves of this dress combined with the neckline is a horrific eye saw, then the rest of this outfit is really really nice. 2/10. For hair and lips.

Lily is on the verge of looking like she’s playing dress up in the same box along with Hailee.  What saves her here is the messy up do, the lip and the fact she actually looks ethereal and fairy like.  The colour is lovely on her although I struggle with the sheer volume of material around the base and some of the embroidery lines are heavy-handed.  All in all though, I like it very much.  She’s memorable and other worldly and this is far more interesting than most of what we’ve seen so far. 7.5/10.

I cannot think of the last time I loved Michelle in anything.  This would have been the exception were it not for the utter pointlessness of the swimming armbands she’s attached to her dress here.  Without these this would have been a clean, simple, striking look playing well with the bow and the platinum locks.  Her skin looks amazing, so 5.5/10.

I really really really love this dress.  The sleeves, the embroidery detail and the split.  I would LOVE to wear this dress and I’d like to think if I looked like Louise in it I’d have done a better job with the styling… her hair is too heavy with the voluminous sleeves, it needs a strong lip and the shoes are hateful.  The dress as a standalone is a 9/10 for me, but instead this is dragged down by poor finishing and is instead a 6.5/10, once again showing the pure power of good and bad accessories and styling.

Jesus wept.  WTF is this Nicole? You look like you’ve had a run in with the girl from Frozen who’s frozen half your dress (and your face, again) and Edward Scissorhands who’s cut the sheared the shit out of your sleeves and train.  Please JUST REMOVE THE ARM/ FINGERLESS GLOVES from the dress.  It would look substantially less painful without either of these. 1/10 for good hair.

There is nothing subtle about this look, Olivia has totally committed to this and I have to say she’s nailed it.  I love love love the skirt on this dress.  The criss-cross top is bold and brave and Olivia stops it from looking cheap with the styling.  Her face in close up is spectacular and her hair is clean and suits the spanish feel.  It’s certainly busy and not for everyone, but I think she’s definitely a standout on the carpet which is no doubt exactly what she was intending.  8/10.

As regular VSR readers will know, I am not a fan of Reese.  I will say however, she looks amazing her.  Perhaps the best I’ve ever seen her.  The dress fits her like a buttercup glove, her body looks immense and the simple styling combined with the soft blonde hair looks sunshine bright.  I have to say it, it’s my favourite look of the whole evening.  Kudos to you Ms W. 8.5/10.

Thandie has slayed this outfit. Literally. But fortunately for her, the shaving accident detracts nicely from the ill-fitting/ breast squashing of this off the shoulder number, worn with terrible terrible shoes.  Or at least I hope it was a hair removal incident and not a menstrual bleed.  But with nowhere to stick a spare Tampax she’s only got herself to blame.

Sophie… I can really see what you’re trying to do here. Keeping it youthful, fashion forward and unpredictable.   But I’m just hugely confused.  I don’t get it.   Looks like someone’s cut your rain mac up and tied it like a life jacket to your nightie.  It poses the question WHY???  This is as messed up as the finales of GOT when your father, mother AND your brother were murdered.  It really is almost as bad.  Great hair and make up though. 2/10.

Sofia obviously took the invite literally and turned up AS the golden globe.  Gaudy, shiny and no doubt overly manhandled by sweaty palmed actors. 1/10 for good face.

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There were more outfits than featured here in the VSR, but quite frankly I’ve got carpal tunnel and need a splint for my arm.

Many of the Golden Globe dresses this year left me uninspired, but a few; Olivia Culpo, Lily Collins and Reese Witherspoon nailed it.  So gentle applause for you all.

I’m hoping for some more amazing and hopefully terrible dresses as the year goes on.  I doubt we’ll be disappointed.

Until then, over and out. xx