So in a departure from the norm, and as a result of this new blog and my need to keep content fresh and updated, I have gone slightly off piste from my traditional award selection. As a result there will now be ‘slightly’ more low rent awards added to the VicStewReviews archives. I think we can rely on these awards to provide some epic fashion foul play and hopefully a little bit of fantastic too.
So, now for the first of the newbie awards to be featured – the MTV Movie Awards 2016.
Charlize is obviously a goddess. But somehow I don’t like her in this dress. Or may be I just don’t like the dress. Charlize is at her best in something simple and often severe and can pull off looks like very few can. But this dress is just too fussy on her. The butterflies on the neckline and waist are just too much and dare I say make her look a little square of body (how is this possible?!). And I really don’t need to see your granny pants. I also really don’t like that old mean granny scraped back bun do on you (think James and the Giant peach, although come to think of it I think they were Aunts not grannies? Anyway…I digress) . Double granny = Doubly disappointing. 6/10 for good shoes and nails though. And because you’ll never ever ever look truly terrible.
Most of you will know that I have a girl crush on Gigi. But absolutely NOT in this outfit. What would possess you to wear your office pinstripe on a red carpet? And that shirt matches your hair colour, both of which are bordering on chartreuse (which means you’ve been spending too much time in your overly chlorinated swimming pool). Your stick on fringe is also offending me, and I’m a fringe lover. Just not on you and not like this. Errors all the way. Get back to the typing pool. Tut. 4/10
Now. Despite being sort of a Kardashian, I actually think most of you is made up of what you were born with, so kudos for that. I also think you’re v pretty in that Cheryl Cole kinda way. But your flamenco inspired dress is just cheap and tacky and as you all well know by now, I FUCKING HATE this neckline. Nothing here has made me change my mind on this. But lets be honest, all of this is utterly irrelevant as none of it is distracting from the fact that you’ve been self-harming with a tattoo gun. Or may be you’ve been building a ladder for your crabs? 3/10.
I don’t think I’ve chosen the best photo here, as I’ve seen a few of CDLV in this outfit and she looksincredible. This is what TayTay was going for in her sequinned number but failed at. She, however, has nailed this. Mostly. Her body looks incredible and it fits perfectly. I also love the sleeve. I have only 2 minor criticisms. Firstly I’m not a huge fan of the material used to cover the cutouts. It looks cheap and should be more natural in colour. Secondly, I HATE a brown lipstick and even her gorgeousness cannot make this colour more acceptable. However, all in all great, with excellent styling – shoes, hair, jewellery… so 8/10. P.s. do you think she walked through an ant farm to get to the ceremony?
Now Rebel, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I like you. But I have to be fair with my VSR. Your fringe is terrible. Your dress is even worse. The netting. The one arm. The red lightning stripe. And the length. Oh dear god the length. Dressing for ones shape is no doubt a tough thing in size 0 Hollywood. But I don’t believe it’s impossible to find a dress in a length that would suit and flatter you. You look equally unsure about this outfit and that’s probably what makes it look even worse. If you can’t 100% own what you’re wearing then don’t wear it. You’re not fooling anyone. Least of all yourself. 3/10.
OBVIOUSLY your body is insane. And your real name is Dorienne Grey, because your looks simply bely your age. However, despite this, we do know you are no longer in your 20s or even 30s. Therefore, whilst maintaining the body of a women half your age, this does not give you the excuse to dress their age rather than your own. Granted, it’s a stupid dress on anyone, but on you, it makes you look desperate and dare I say mutton. The lace in the midsection is especially galling along with your shoes. 5/10
Wow Melissa McCarthy. Aren’t you looking hot! Excellent work. I think this outfit really suits you and is very flattering. Great hair and make up. I just require a better mani and pedi from you and the shoes are only just on the acceptable side. But all in all excellent. 7/10.
Daisy Daisy… so nice to see you in an age appropriate outfit… you normally go for far too grown up looks. I love the shoes (something I have rarely had the chance to say this awards season) and the mini is fun, flirty and sexy whilst not revealing anything. Also a rare occurrence amongst the popstrels out there. I presume the dress is Chanel and I know it’s sacrilegious to say I don’t like the pattern… but well, I don’t. But other than this you look young and fresh, so good work. 7.5/10.
Ok… this is a weird one. Now obviously I HATE the pattern. I’m not a huge pattern fan generally. But I do like the silhouette of the dress and the shoes aren’t making me vomit. I think my major problem with this is that it makes Emilia look rather heavy. And god only knows she’s not. The dress does nothing for the arms (and Meels… you really need a tan or at least some St Tropez as I believe I see a bit of corned beef arms here). I also HATE the bag. Your hair is cute and so is the lip, so for that I’ll score(ned beef) you 4/10.
Dear God. Please can you tell me what this is? I am dumbfounded. Yours sincerely VicStewReviews. 0/10. And you KNOW why.
I genuinely thought for a minute that the memo for this Awards party was wear black. There has literally been next to no colour on the red carpet. Until now. Unfortunately she probably shouldn’t have bothered. And you KNOW what I’m going to say here. AGAIN. The neckline. What is that neckline? Why is that neckline? Where is that neckline? There’s off the shoulder and then there’s just off the fuck. Also Love, the hem on your trousers has fallen down and given you hooves. Blue shiny satin hooves. Trot on. 3/10.
A bit of a lacklustre affair and not too much for me to get my teeth stuck in to. Cara DLV by far and away the best dressed, but commendations go to Melissa Mc and Daisy Riley…
The Met Ball is up early May and if previous incarnations are anything to go by there will be some belters to feel the heat of the VSRs. Until then people…x