Coming to you all from Australia… the biggy, the best, the bedazzling 2016 Oscars!

Awards attire has been below par this year, predominantly down to the big hitters of the film/fashion world not being nominated this year.

Can the youngsters come good and redeem themselves after a lack lustre performance to date?

We are about to find out… fanfare please!

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First up… Naomi Watts. And it’s a good solid start. I LOVE her lip – yes yes yes – excellent work here. I like the hair. I also really like the dress. Plain column style but jazzed with a two tone sequin. She looks fabulous even if a little mermaid like. Groundbreaking no, hugely different or dazzling no, but… strong, clean, age appropriate and elegant. A solid 7/10

Thank the LORD (of the Rings) she’s back. It is reminiscent of last years outfit with the appliqué and the colour does remind me of my old school uniform shirt (never a good thing) but I love the hair, love the make up, love the structured shoulder and the incredible shape of the dress. Up close she looks INCREDIBLE. I’m a big fan. Excellent. LOVING the hair. 9/10.

I’m sorry Rachel, but I find this HUGELY disappointing. HUGELY. The colour looks fab on you, your body is great, and you’re doing good Jolie leg. But the neckline is a disgrace on this dress and the beautiful fanning of the tail of your dress cannot save you. It is just TOO plain. There’s not even really any bling and I DESPISE your hair up situation. If you’d done your hair down messy rock thing this could have worked. But I simply do not believe this is Oscar worthy. Especially as you’re nominated. Unless something interesting is going on at the back, which lets be honest is highly unlikely with that stupid neckline. You should have saved that beautiful SAGs dress for the Oscars.  And your shoe is a ugliness personified. You look like an also ran, rather than a contender. 5/10. Also… satin CREASES. We all know that you silly woman.

I want to punch you in your STUPID mardy face. Crack a smile love. You’re at the Oscars. Or don’t bloody come if you’re going to be miserable. I HATE your scraped back I Haven’t Washed My Hair for 38 days hair style. Your SHOES make me VIOLENT they are DISGUSTING. The cutout on your dress is making me apoplectic. It literally looks like you’ve busted open a button by breathing out. This pale and interesting look is yes pale but so not remotely interesting. When you do it at EVERY awards do. I don’t mind the sleeves. And the lip. But it’s all just so yawn even if the lace on your dress was all handmade. They shouldn’t have bothered from the look on your face. 4/10.

I am very very confused by this outfit. I saw it on the TV this morning and I have to admit for a minute I thought she looked amazing. But on closer inspection I’m just not convinced. First the pale lemon can look beautiful we’ve seen it done before. But there is something about this dress that could be worn by a 14 year old. It’s all a bit crack whore high on sugar. The silver stuff on it just looks weird. And I don’t think you realised Alicia that when you went to the toilet earlier the front of your dress got tucked in your knickers. For once you look like you brushed and washed your hair, but I hate the half up and down look and the colour is just plane horrible on you – you need to be darker and more chocolate less copper. Thank god though you didn’t get the ‘lets wear disgusting shoes to the Oscars’ memo as these are fine. So there is a fair bit wrong here (even if you pull your dress out of your pants) but nothing is right. And wear more make up please – up close you look like you’ve had too many late nights. 4/10.

Star Wars lady…. You’ve gone for something a bit different here and I applaud you. This dress isn’t incredible but I do like it as it’s just a bit different. But I’m afraid I don’t like silver/dove grey on a brunette, it only really works for me on a blonde. Your lip does anchor the look however. I HATE your shoes… that strap with that length dress is a no no. 5/10.

Lizzie just asked me what I was laughing at. Well Lizzie, I was laughing at this. I cannot believe she is about to go and pick up an Oscar dressed like this. Her boobs are too big for this neckline it makes her look hefty across the breast and stomach and god knows we don’t’ need this and she isn’t. And unfortunately I’ll never be able to forget that belt. That ‘delightfully’ showcases those wonderfully  awful ruffles. The colour is ok, that is the only only thing not TERRIBLE about the whole styling. You shouldn’t just shoot your stylist you should dismember her. 2/10.

I like this very much. I think you look gorgeous. The dress colour is amazing and you look fab in it. I love your loose hair (stands out vs. the up dos and the unwashed) and it’s young and fresh. I think this is the dress Rachel McAdams wished she was wearing. 8/10

Charlize. You goddess. How is it that even YOU have let me down?!?!? I mean obviously you look incredible and I LOVE you in red. But the slashed to the navel actually (dare I say it) makes your boobs look droopy. And the necklace is not working with the straps. I feel it’s truly sacrilegious that I’m saying this as you always look INSANE. I’m sorry but this, like your boobs falls a little too below par 6/10. (and I’m GUTTED to score you that.  But you haven’t helped yourself).

Now again, I’m very confused here. This dress fits you like a glove Kate And it’s a departure from the norm which again I applaud. I like that it’s not a column boring dress but I’m EXTREMELY confused by the volume of material spilling out of the back or side of your dress. I’m also very perplexed by the material – is this just the photo or is your dress made of the shiniest man made material EVER produced? Hair is nice though – I like this softer look on your somewhat masculine face, so …. I’m giving you a 5/10. But I really cant work out whether this is too generous. Don’t stand near a flame for godsake.

I think I really like this. But I really really really don’t like this on you. It fits you appallingly, I can’t even tell you how bad your breasticles look in this. I mean they look TERRIBLE and your crotch is obviously super hungry. I mean like ravenous. WTF? Shame, because this is by far the most interesting of outfits so far, your styling is fabulous and for once I even like your hair. This is almost excellent, but instead you’re getting a 6/10.

I LOVE THIS DRESS!!!!!! Granted it would look better on Kate Hudson, but I love love love. How she can have ruined this though with hair the same colour, that has been left to air dry??. An orange lip would have KILLED this. But instead her clutch should be killed. REALLY? It does NOT go with this dress AT ALL. Kate Hudson would have got a 10 in this dress, but you have let it down and instead I am giving you an 8.5/10. How is it possible to have effed this up Robbie? Idiot. Because this dress is insane.

So, you think Oscars. You think red carpet. You think I have the pick of all the designers. And then naturally you think… I’ll wear a skirt with a pair of braces to cover my nips. Of course you do. Your breasts look like bad. Your choker is ugly as sin, as is your hair. I like the clutch. That is it. This outfit is nasty. Pure and simple. Which is quite good because you always come across as quite smug to me. Olivia love, there is nothing, I mean absolutely NOTHING to be smug about here. This is dress is dross. 1/10.

This is pretty much as close to perfection as you’ll get. Olivia Munn… the dress is divine, your body looks insane, the colour is INCREDIBLE, the lip!!! Oh my GOD the lip. I love, for once, the simplicity of your centre parting ponytail… the soft bits of hair pulled out to make it feminine. The beautiful but oh so simply bangle and nothing else. This is OFF THE HOOK. I salute you. I will give you a 9.5/10… because I have a terrible terrible feeling your shoes have let you down. Otherwise this is PERFECTION and impeccable.

I often associate bondage with the Oscars don’t you??? No? Well evidently Julianne does. I like the skirt on this dress, I don’t even mind the bodicing… but I HATE the cut out triangles. And your hoop earrings are just chavvy even if they are worth $1m. I like your hair and there is nothing too tragic here, but I don’t believe there is anything too great either. 6/10. To be fair, whoever followed Olivia Mann was gonna struggle.

I presume Emily Blunt that you are pregnant. But I don’t care… I’m not going to go easy on you. This empire neckline with the too close together straps is HUGELY unflattering. The Colour and silver and matching silver accessories is far too twee. You are normally hugely directional which I like, but you’re only going in one direction here and that is down. 4/10.

For those of you that love a princess dress (and I am also one of you) this is only one of the few I’ve seen. I’m not loving it. Navy isn’t bad exactly but on a red carpet I think it just doesn’t pack a punch. Especially on a brunette. I’m not really loving this as the bling on it makes it look old fashioned. I think it would have been better all plain, using the interesting folds to make it stand out. I’m not hating it and I love the red lip, but I hate your hair. So 6/10.

Now Amy… I love what you’re trying to do here. It’s striking and different and brave for the Oscars red carpet. But I have some issues… you’re too short and curvy to pull this off. Cate Blanchett would have nailed this dress – but it is totally wearing you, rather than the other way around. Sorry but it just doesn’t work 3/10.

I think Kerry Washington is doing a Robert Downy JNR and morphing in to her character Olivia Pop. This is the ‘Gladiator’ sort of crap she’d wear. I HATE THIS. It’s cheap looking from start to finish…. Cheap cheap cheap. I also HATE monochrome. I know ballsy, some might say fashion suicide… but there you have it. I just don’t like it, especially in a red carpet dress. Also… your hair is phenomenally ugly. 1/10.

I don’t know who you are…. But I LOVE THIS. You waist is TINY and I LOVE the shape of this dress. Your styling is amazing. If they’d just not gone with the netting on the sleeve and left it as a capped sleeve, and put some make up on you, this would have scored the highest. Nonetheless I am giving you a 9/10. EXCELLENT work.

Reese!!! Your lady airbags have burst! Stupid unflattering dress, stupid colour, stupid hair. Dull dull dull and FAR too matronly. 2/10.

How is it possible that you look dumpy Jlaw? I don’t know, but this dress has done it.   I don’t mind the bottom but I HATE the top – it makes you look wide and top heavy and the black boning is REALLY unflattering. I do like you very blonde and the smoky eye is nice. But I’m VERY VERY disappointed with you. 4/10. This is devastating. How can you go from the princess dress to end all princess dresses when you won and fell up the stairs to this… RUBBISH.

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So that was the Oscars.

Congrats Olivia Munn for nailing it and winning my best dressed.  Closely followed by the random lady in the fabulously huge black dress which just falls on the right side of gothic masked ball.

Biggest disappointment sof the night for me are JLaw and Rachel McAdams, normally pretty reliable.

I’m disappointed in the lack of old school Hollywood glamour or princess dresses.

Lets hope some of our established actresses start making some more Oscar worthy movies ASAP as these youngsters didn’t really cut it on the red carpet.  Brie Larson I’m most definitely talking about you.

Over and out for now…see you later in the year for the MET Ball.  Always an occasion for a scathing VicStewReview!