Wear for art thou Victoria?

victoria beckham
VICTORIA BECKHAM 12TH MAY 2016

Some might say that it’s about time Victoria appeared in a VSR, afterall she is a namesake. However, those that know me well understand there is an extremely good reason for this. I despise the woman.  However, I have decided to put my own personal prejudices to the side for the sake of fashion (I’m so giving).

So here we have our Vic on the red carpet for a premiere at the Cannes Film Festival (why post Spice World have they even allowed this to happen??).  I’m going to start with the positives…

…and now for the negatives. Ohhhh ok, I’ll say something good if I have to.  It’s nice to see something other than a sparkly ball gown put in an appearance at Cannes… granted I love a princess dress, but even I can get puffballed out at times.  This is sleek and understated so points for that.

God that was EXHAUSTING  being so effusive.  But lets get to the bare bones (how appropriate) of the matter.  You are wearing something from your eponymous range, that allegedly you designed, which has been CUSTOM MADE to fit you… so explain this to me Sticky… WHY ARE YOUR TROUSERS 6 INCHES TOO LONG FOR YOU?  They make you look like a new born giraffe bimbling around on it’s new, untested knobbly legs.  I cannot begin to fathom why you have purposefully designed this to look like such.  It’s incredibly strange and unflattering and whilst I have no love for you, you don’t normally fuck it up. However, I’m extremely happy to see in this instance you have indeed done just that.

Finally, I’m sincerely hoping that the silver button on your lady garden is just an unfortunate camera flash incident.  Otherwise I might have to designate an entire blog to this new outer vjazzale trend you’re starting.  Oh Ok… I’ll button it now.

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3 thoughts on “Wear for art thou Victoria?

  1. Thank you for this Steward, thank you. When I first saw this photo last night I was hopeful this would make a VSR appearance.

    The trouser length. WHY? WHY? WHY GOD, WHY? I just cannot understand it. I actually like the rest of it. It may not be pushing any fashion boundaries but I think the bodice and high waist is very nice on her. But I can’t get past the trouser length. And the trouser length can’t quite get past her shoes. Were they meant to crop neatly at the ankle or should they have been a floor length flare? Either way, they should NOT have turned out like this.
    It reminds me of that period in my life when, at the age of about 14 or 15, I kept buying 34 or 36 leg jeans so that they’d bunch up ‘in a really cool way’ over my Fila trainers.
    In hindsight that wasn’t a look then; it sure as hell is not a look for the Cannes red carpet now.

    Dickery.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah I remember the halcyon days of the Fila trainer, scrunched up 36 in baggy jeans and the horrendous hair.

      But you’ve moved on Steward – what’s Posh’s excuse! So so so bad.

      I agree the rest of the outfit is perfectly pleasant, although I’d actually want a bit more from this for the red carpet…

      It’s a total toss up between Cole and Beckham for worse trousers. But I’m going to give it to Sticky Vicky as isn’t she supposed to be a premiere fashion designer??? She should know better… Cole just wore what she was put in and didn’t have the balls to call the stylist out. VicBec has NO excuse at all. xx

      Like

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