So firstly let me apologise for the 2 week hiatus in the daily VSRs. Prior to holiday I was convinced that I’d manage to post every other day. Then I went to Bali and quite frankly didn’t give a shit. There was simply no way I was leaving the pool to do anything. Even posting a daily scathing review of the horrific fashion titbits I gleaned when looking over Nim’s shoulder at the Daily Mail showbiz site couldn’t convince me to get off the sun lounger. Doing it poolside was nigh-on-impossible too, afterall using my phone and heavily squinting in to the horribly bright warm sunshine that relentlessly bounced off the shimmering turquoise pool would have blocked my sun, given me weird tan lines and put unnecessary strain on my forehead wrinkles .
Anyway, I’m back now (joy) just in time for 2016’s latest red carpet affair, The Tony’s. It’s only fair that I warn you in advance there are some people in this VSR whom I have no idea who they are. I’m not a massive Thespo, so well, you’ll just have to suck it up.
So lets start with someone we are all familiar with following the numerous movie awards earlier this year. Once again Saoirse looks ethereal here… I love the pale pink against the blush of her skin and light make up, she looks effortlessly gorgeous here and the minimal accessories keep the look fresh and age appropriate. Her figure looks fantastic here and this style of dress really accentuates rather than hides a cracking bod. Lovely look. 8.5/10
Long time, no see Michelle. Since our last catch up you appeared to have lost more weight and even more fashion sense. This dress looks horribly cheap (how many times do I have you to tell you black on white is just plain nasty?), it creases where it’s not supposed to and is far too long and makes you look incredibly wide of shoulder. You redeem it slightly with good hair and a striking lip. 6/10.
I’m struggling with this. A lot. Obviously the dress is just plain stupid. Wearing a bra over a polo neck is akin to Superman’s budgie smugglers and tights. Simply dick (literally in his case). However, I like the length and origami folds of the dress. Good leather arms too. Naturally you own this look as with every time you walk the red carpet and again nailed with good hair and make up. However, for once, I’m not letting you get away with it. This dress is wrong, even if you do get desperately close to making it right. Close but no
cigar fake bra. Please. 6/10
I really like this unusual outfit, the folding longline asymmetric jacket works really nicely here, in general I’m a fan of a well executed trouser suit. I also like the loose under styled hair which is rare for this girl. I however HATE the shoes and bag which spoil the look entirely, cheapening the overall effect. That and the fact that Allison evidently hasn’t eaten since February 2012 which has given her a lovely lollipop head, ruining what is otherwise a good effort. 7/10
My biggest hope of 2016 to date is not that Liam Hemsworth dumps Miley for a second time (and comes and finds me), although, this is definitely in the Top 10 on my wish list, but instead that all of these Vicky Secret models just FUCK OFF! Why are you here?? For what possible reason could you be attending the Tony Awards??? WHY??? The closest you get to a stage is a catwalk. But your job requires you to be MUTE… the absolute antithesis of what is required of an actor in a play on stage. GO AWAY. NOW. Nice dress though. 7/10.
See above. Not nice dress. Worse hair. 4/10.
Hi Lizzie. I’m sorry to say I don’t know who you are. But I do know you look AMAZING. Your dress is beautiful and looks wonderful with your severe bob and berry lip. Beautiful red carpet dressing. Love love love. You are winning my best dressed at the mo. 9/10
Busy by name busy by nature of at least hundreds of bright pink flowers embroidered on vast volumes of shot silk. Despite what could be more of a hornets nest of crazy than happy bees buzzing around a bouquet of bougainvillaea, I really like this dress on Ms Philipps. It gives her a lovely silhouette, fits with her slightly off kilter sense of humour and the baby blue accessories add to the overall fun flair she has going on here. She may indeed be a Busy Bee, but a very pretty one nonetheless. 8/10.
I presume Rose has come in camouflage for the red carpet as she almost completely blends in with the Tony backdrop, surely highly unintentional. Although, I think she’ll probably be eternally grateful that the rose wall almost hides the distinctly unattractive fit of this dress, with its awful peekaboo sleeves and trashy red sequins. Saying that this is the Tony’s so perhaps she’s auditioning as an extra in Cabaret? The arm candy however is rose red hot. 5/10.
So from someone who almost completely blended in to the backdrop to someone whose colour clashes so badly it’s in danger of causing an epileptic fit. As you will all know, I despise purple at the best of times, I DETEST it when it makes me have to squint because the clashing glare is giving me a bloody migraine. Shame really as the actual dress was quite nice before it was ruined by some god awful Purple Rain homage. Nice hair and make up though. 5/10
Halleluja… at last Lupita is wearing something that doesn’t make my eyes bleed. There isn’t anything incredible here, but it fits her very well, I’m enjoying the neckline and her hair doesn’t make her look like she’s been given an electric shock or had something inserted in her back passage by Jared Leto. Not that the latter would be an entirely unenjoyable experience come to think of it.
I’m sorry Ms American Vogue, but your necklace does NOT GO WITH the rest of your dress. Nope. Sorry, it just doesn’t. And nothing you or your catalogue says will convince me otherwise. Your dress is drab and dreary. Also, considering you once said women over 40 shouldn’t wear dresses/ skirts above the knee, I could say the same thing about women who have evidently modelled their arms/hands on Madonna. As for the shades on the red carpet, it’s pathetic. You’re fooling no one. 2/10
Simple, pretty and elegant… the fish tale is nicely subtle, but deep V isn’t too deep with your neat lady bumps and your lack of bling works nicely. Clean, fresh and well executed. I’m praying there isn’t a horrendous hooker shoe under there somewhere. 7/10.
Lucy I’m afraid I prefer you in something much more directional than this saccharine sweet lemon bonbon of a dress. You look like a daffodil. 4/10.
Ummmm… did Gloria’s daughter get this confused with the American Billboard Awards? The Sandra Dee leggings are bad. The Doc’s don’t have a place on the red carpet. But quite frankly it’s all about that jacket which is a combination of something from a bad period drama, my dentist’s receptionist uniform and something else equally terrible which I can’t quite put my finger on. The Madonna pre 1985 cross pendant choker literally makes me shake with revulsion. Terrible. 1/10. And that’s because you just seem not to know or care what you’re wearing and I suppose than nonchalance should be very quietly applauded.
There is a ridiculous amount going on here in the one dress… the pattern, the tiering, fluted sleeve, ruffle neckline, cut outs and netting are making this one hell of a look. I know without a shadow of a doubt I could not pull this off. So Cynthia is indeed a better woman than me, as somehow, against all the odds she actually manages to carry this. And the woman deserves kudos (or may be a Tony) for that. 7/10.
Long time readers of VSR will know what I’m quite harsh on Clare Danes. This is predominantly because I struggle to separate her from her character Carrie Mathison from ‘Homeland’, singularly the second most annoying character to EVER have graced the small screen. However, in this instance I will put my Carrie-hating aside to say that Clare looks very lovely here. This is absolutely her style and whilst simple and clean, she looks beautiful , the softer than usual hair and make up work really nicely to add feminine touches to a very lean silhouette. The Californian tan adds much needed warmth. Very nice indeed. 8/10
So as anticipated, the Tony’s due to the classier nature of ‘treading the boards’ didn’t bring any unlucky MacBeth moments to the red carpet. So whilst we had a fair bit of sartorial elegance there wasn’t much in the way of hubble bubble tulle and trouble which always makes for a fairly quiet VSR.
Anyway, now that I’m back the daily VSR will resume and I’m sure it’s only a matter for time before someone wears something that makes me go all Lady MacBeth on their arse. Speak soon.