And so, for what I believe is pretty much the final significant Awards do of 2016.  If memory serves me well, there have been a few knock out dresses this year but in general red carpet dressing has become increasingly formulaic and not that inspired.  Lets see if the Emmys create any movie or even TV worthy moments this year.

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No longer working for Fashion Police I believe Giuliana can be judged less harshly now that she is no longer critiquing the red carpet.  I like this dress.  However, she needs to have (literally) lost the cape. It massively drowns Ms R’s extremely petite frame and is far too much like a wedding veil which has absolutely no place on a red carpet.  The blonde hair is a touch brassy for the soft blush of the dress but at least it’s a more natural style than the Croydon scrape she normally prefers.  So as a starter for 10… I’ll score this a fairly admirable 7/10.

I like this dress a lot.  The shape is modern and fresh and HUGE kudos for a great shoe here.  Really, thank you.  What spoils this look though is the orange she’s cut in half and stuck down the front of her dress.  They make the overall look fugly and cheap and god knows where those pips end up.  Also, you haven’t blow dried your hair smoothly enough… I see the creepings of a public halo sprouting along the hairline.  So this could have been great, instead it’s just an (orange) juicy 6.5/10.  Nice make up, though a pop of colour wouldn’t have hurt somewhere.

Now I think I’m about to incur the wrath of my very pregnant bestie here.  She LOVES Ms Moore. I mean total girl crush. So I’ll start with the positives… Mandy actually pulls of this very hard to wear colour and it suits her coral make up and hair colour.  But the dress itself is very unflattering and 3 tiers of ruffles are not needed, making it look more granny nightie than sultry negligee.  Also I DESPISE how she’s styled her hair here.  It’s all just a bit off and ill thought through. 4/10

Firstly it’s very nice to see someone in their teens wearing something age appropriate, rather than draping themselves in a few Balmain sequins here and there.  However, I still feel Maisie could have done better here.  The dress isn’t cut well and neither is it a flattering shape on her.  I’m sure she’s trying to do a Kendal Jenner with the fringed bun (aren’t we all?) but this literally comes up a bit short.  I do like the green eye make up pop – fun and feisty… 4/10.

Oh Julianne.  Are you missing Dancing with the Stars?  Looks like you’ve raided their Tango dance costumes. The shape, material, obligatory flesh toned netting and terrible ankle cropping shoes are far more glitter ball than this event requires.  Also… when wearing fake tan, please take it all the way up to your hairline, otherwise it looks like you’ve just shaved around the outside of your face. Seriously, very weird.  2/10.

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING ON YOUR FEET?!  There isn’t much going Wright for you here, it’s all so wrong! But all is eclipsed by your god awful trotters.  I’d like this dress on someone else, but not on you, you’re too lithe and this needs some curves.  Also, you really needed to put some blusher on.  4/10.

Bloody hell Emilia.  This is the first time I’ve ever seen you look almost as good as you do  when ‘doing’ Daenyrs. I love the sequins and it fits you perfectly. I’m not a huge fan of the Westwood points of your boning, but all in all you look fabulous.  I’m enjoying the simplicity of the look and normally I like minimal accessorising.  However, in this instance this could have done with some ear candy.  Also why have you not done your hair?  I mean, I do more with my hair than this when I’m dying from a hangover, lying in bed eating Pizza and watching re-runs of Dempsey & Makepeace. Back to back. For godsake make a blimming effort.  Anyway, I’ll give you 7/10 for your dress.  But this could have been so much better.

You are a fucking joke. 1/10. For the shoe.

Good asset management here Kirst.  The more I look at this dress, the more I like it.  The light-corset and boning give you a great shape and the sequinned bottom tier, whilst semi sheer, doesn’t stop the dress from looking classy.  I’d like a brighter red on the lip to really nail this, but other than that, you look the tits.  Literally.  8/10.

For once, and I mean literally for once,  I think you look great here Olivia. I love the natural, big hair and your make up is beautiful, as are the killer nails.  I would have balked at cut outs on a pregnant tummy, I mean somewhat Scandalous even, but I can’t deny you pull this off.  8/10.  Never thought you’d ever be scoring one of those.

Ummmm… are the Emmy’s hosting an homage to James Bond? Surely they must be as Clazza has come as the poor femme fatale in Goldfinger who’s found dead on the bed covered in gold paint. How is it possible to be all one colour?  Someone has REALLY gone to town on your bronzer. Considering I once named bronzer above water as one of my three things to be cast away with on a desert island, if I say you’ve over done it with the sparkly brown stuff, then you REALLY need to put the blusher brush down. I love your undone blow dry and the bottom of the dress is really pretty.  But I don’t understand the additional necktie.  Oh.  Yes I do.  It IS in honour of Bond!   You’ve actually come as Scaramanga…It’s to cover your 3rd nipple. 4/10.

Trashy hair, trashy dress.  I’m sorry, but I really don’t like this.  And Sofia, please have an In and Out Burger after the ceremony.  You look fab rocking your curves but instead here you look a little unwell. 2/10 for the berry pout.

I’m loving this.  Slightly more casual than others which I think is spot on for the Emmys.  Definitely the most interesting look of the evening so far and very cute on someone young and fresh like yourself. Great shoes again too.  Super pretty and super sweet without giving me a horrible sugar rush.  Excellent.  8/10. This may go to a 9 when I can see how well your trousers fit you under that hemline.

Chic, elegant and nice to see something other than fishtail on the red carpet.  I’m not obsessed with the bottom half of the dress, but love your hair and make up.  7/10.

Why, when you have literally the best boobs in the business would you origami the poor things to death?  Seriously, what have you done to them?!! They’ll be scarred for life!  This is one of the most horrific necklines in the history of all necklines.  I don’t understand this.  At All.  Also, aren’t you a bit embarrassed that you’ve treated the Emmys like the Oscars and gone MASSIVELY over the top because you know you’ll never actually get to go to the Big One?  I don’t like your scrapped back hair either, but then I guess you had to do something to it, so you could show off your paper plane tits.  Up close, great eye make up which gets you a 1/10.

Take note Klum.  If you want to be women over a certain age and wear head to toe silver sequins (i’m not convinced this is ever a good idea) then this is how you do it. Well done Padma, classy as disco spheres go. 7/10

I really enjoy a pop of colour. But I’m not enjoying this.  Nope. Not one little bit. Nada. Negatory. Never. Nilsch. Nil point. My eyes will NEVER be able to unsee those shoes. I’m nauseous and traumatised.

Much like your career now Downton is finished, I find you a bit pointless.  However, I will say I like you here.  Good hair and make up has kicked this off well and I really like the high-low hem and belt. Again, the boob frills are making your breasticles look like they’re actually a pair of hand puppets rather than what nature gave you.  But all in all good work Lady. 7/10. And thank you for the shoe.

Hands DOWN my favourite dress of the Emmys this year.  Gorgeous.  Love the loose tousled hair, the nude dress which matches her skin perfectly and the gorgeous petal pattern. You know she KNOWS she looks good and that is EXACTLY what a red carpet dress should make you feel.  It fails me as to why so many people…err…fail to get it right. I don’t even mind the bit of flesh on show, she’s so small that managing the volume of material in the dress is key so as not to drown her.  Excellent. Excellent work.  9/10.  A berry lip could have got you full marks.

FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING THAT IS HOLY.     I don’t wear to start.  So I’m just going to stop.  My mum always said, ‘if you’ve got nothing nice to say then say nothing at all’. So um……fuck.

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So thank you Kristen Belle of the Ball for that beaut of a frock.  In general people don’t appear to have gotten it too wrong (I’m ignoring you Chlumsky) but at the same time, nothing too awesome either.  Honourable mentions go to Kerry Washington, Sarah Hyland and Kristen Dunst who came a close second.

But as this gentleman once said, rather accurately I believe, we were never going to get magic from the Emmys…afterall;